It is loneliness that has driven me to blog. No mistake about that. How will blogging cure it though? Is this a headlong and desperate plunge, looking for connecting with someone.. anyone?

Is it mid-life crisis? Or is it genuine dissatisfaction at the way I am handling my life?

I am convinced that it is the latter.

I have little doubt that I have allowed pursuit of self-gratification to seep so much into my system that it now acts as an antidote to all attempts to discipline myself. I have strewn boulders in my path, behind and ahead, that have 'fun' emblazoned on them. Temporary, fleeting fun. The sort that never fails to leave bad taste in the mouth.

Ironically, inside my head and heart there is a bedlam. There is a mob of thoughts that is jostling, shoving, pushing for space. It does not look likely that order will be restored sometime soon.

In the meanwhile I have begun to act... to walk, work harder, sleep earlier, eat less, drink not and so on..... to see if this will somehow quieten the noises that I don't want and connect me to voices that I want.