Ivan D, who has free-rented a small attic in my Inbox after we made acquaintance on Rediffiland, has got me worried.
Last night, when I staggered home past midnight after paying a great deal of respect and attention to Old Monk ("Always respect age", my Mama had taught me), I found a mail from Ivan the Terrestrial (he has such wisdom).
"Are you religious, Opus?", he asked me. Do I sing bhajans set to the tune of well-molested Hindi songs? Do I chant chants, eyes half-shut, brain completely shut down, while fingering harmonium with the absent-mindedness of a government clerk contemplating Perspective Plan for Open Drainage System in the District: FY 2010-2011? Do I count the beads with the energy of a bead?
I am afraid I do not fit the bill.
In forms, where blanks are not applauded, I fill Hindu as my denomination. 
By way of religosity, I do three things regularly, if half-heartedly.
I believe that there is a spiritual plan for all of us (OK, I am not sure whether there is one for you, but for me there surely is a blueprint!). Everything that happens in my life, happens for my good. Now this is not mere positive thinking - though nothing wrong with having a dash of positive thinking either - but a belief. Like Job, I cannot question Him on why he does what he does, but he sure does a very decent job of it. And at every turn, including tragic ones, I stop to thank him.
Leaning back in my office chair, I once pointed upwards and confessed to a colleague, "You know, I have a hot-line with Him". "With him?", asked my startled friend, looking for the hidden phone on my desk. (My Boss, a taciturn, hard-taskmaster, had his office on the floor above, exactly on top of mine).
Before I turn in, I go over gayatri mantra - a habit handed down in childhood - and a prayer given to me by a Muslim Pir who suggested that this will protect the people I love. Call it a timid fear that if I got off this prayer routine someone will get hurt or whatever you might, but I follow it.
Some of you will undoubtedly notice that I am not a very 'evolved' being. True.
Finally, I have a notion that to have empathy for others is a good insurance against the penalty for not visiting temples.
Let me get back to Ivan now.
We have been debating if God knows Hindi. Which language will he interrogate me in when I am there?
I have suggested that we in India need not worry too much about God's ethnicity. Horrid as we are, we are still not up there on the Sin Scale.
What if God turns out to be Lebanese (resident of Qana?). Or Afghan? Or Iraqi? There are occupants of White House, 10 Downing Street etc who might have a little difficulty, no? (That is why they say, "Those who live in White Houses, should not throw Laser Guided Bombs on others")
In fact, rulers in many countries and terrorists in all countries can choose from a long laundry-list of ethnicities to which God must not belong, if they have to have a decent after-life. 
It is not as if I have nothing to worry about. In fact, I am worried to my toe-nails that I might have to pay for my e-sins.....
I mean, what if Santa Singh or Pedro are God, actually? What will happen to me for having forwarded those brain-dead jokes that went all the way in millions of giggling electrons to my Most Moronish Friends? That is no way to treat your or anybody's god and don't give me that thing about Eternal Forgiveness. What if Santa, The God of All Things and his Devil in Disguise Banta are waiting for me, cc of all mails in hand and discussing retribution......
I suspect it will be no fun re-telling those jokes under duress of third-degree when the Devil, watched keenly by Santa/Pedro the God, whips me, one whip for each punch line.........